My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
