The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
