It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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