I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
