a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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