dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize