So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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