I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
