everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
