We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
