you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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