My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
