so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
