I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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