i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
