somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You work out of a Hotel?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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