so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
