I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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