Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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