Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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