Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
