True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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