I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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