Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
