Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
