I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
