Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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