Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
