How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
