My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
