Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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