I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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