We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
