And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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