Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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