I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
