In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
