In the future we'll all be gay
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
