Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
