fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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