I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
