Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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