Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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