Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
