so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
