This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
