I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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