If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
