Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Duck Duck Cougar?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
