Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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