I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize