So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
