That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
