you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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