the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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