my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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