I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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