I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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