Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
