There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
bring money and cleavage
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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