even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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