If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
